Roasting

I roasted a duck last night, but I don't think he got the jokes.

Mirrors

Mirrors don't lie.  Lucky for me, they can't laugh either.

Trifles

It is in the treatment of trifles that a person shows what they are.

    ~  Arthur Schopenhauer  ~

NASA

If those NASA scientists were so smart, how come they all counted backwards?

Progress

"Without deviations from the norm, progress is not possible".

    ~  Frank Zappa  ~

Stress

Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize that you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

80th Birthday

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

AYE matety!

Knock, Knock ...

Fastest way to mess up someones 'Knock Knock' joke.  Say it's open. 

Stairs

I don't trust stairs because they're always up to something.

Whack

If you can see things out of whack, then you can see how thing can be in whack.

    ~  Dr. Seuss  ~

What We Are

What we are never changes, but who we are constantly changes.

Man

“The way to overcome the angry man is with gentleness, the evil man with goodness, the miser with generosity and the liar with truth.”

    ~  Indian Proverb  ~

I before E

I before E except after 'Old MacDonald had a Farm'.

Worry

Worry is a misuse of imagination.

Foolish and Wise

What sounds foolish to the wise, sounds wise to the foolish.