Turtles

Turtles think frogs are homeless. 

Boat

Boat: 

A hole in the water surrounded by wood/plastic/steel/aluminum into which you pour all your money.

Difference

What's the difference between a well-dressed bicyclist and a poorly dressed unicyclist?

Attire. 

Two Tragedies in Life

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. 

    ~   Oscar Wilde   ~

Queue

"Queue" is just "Q" followed by 4 silent letters.

Dreams

If you want your dreams to be as fascinating to other people as they are to you, don't mention it's a dream until the end of the story.            

Being Married

Being Married ....

90% of being married is just shouting 'WHAT' from other rooms.

Egocentric

Egocentric:

Person who believes he is everything you know you are.

Put Off

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

    ~  Mark Twain  ~

Right and Wrong

Don't tell me I don't know the difference between right and wrong. 

Wrong is the fun one.

Experience

 

Experience teaches you to recognize a mistake when you've made it again.