Universe

The universe consists of two types of things: "matter" and "doesn't matter".

    ~  Sir Terry Pratchett  ~
 

Book

Every book you have ever read is just a different combination of 26 letters.
 

Squat

 

The fitnesss trainer asked me, "What kind of a squat are you accustomed to doing?" 

I said, "Diddly".

Harp

 

Harp: a nude piano

Finding Guilt

 In this country you're guilty until proven wealthy.

    ~  Bill Maher  ~

Opportunity

 

 

 

Whenever someone tells you, "This is the opportunity of a lifetime." ask if they're referring to your lifetime or theirs.

River Landing Car Show - Colfax, North Carolina

 

Magician

A magician was driving down the road ..... then he turned into a drive way. 

Seashells

I have a large seashell collection which I keep scattered along the beaches around the world. Maybe you've seen it.

    ~ Stephen Wright  ~

Just Once

 

Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, "Close enough".
 

Headache Cure

 

When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
 

Be Decisive

 

 

Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision.

Greensboro Science Center - Greensboro, North Carolina

 

 

                            Greensboro Science Center

A Fool

 If a fool could keep silent he would not be a fool.

    ~  Swedish Proverb  ~

Breakfast in Bed

My wife said I can have breakfast in bed anytime I want it.  All I have to do is sleep in the kitchen.

Fun

 

 

 

There is no such thing as fun for the entire family.

    ~ Jerry Seinfield  ~

 

Fine Line

                       

There's a fine line between hyphenated words.

 

Speaking

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.

Talking

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

    ~  Addision Mizner  ~
 

Pants

                 

If liar pants did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun!

Gregorian Calendar

                                       Monday -  Greg       

                                       Tuesday -   Ian

                                       Wednesday - Greg

                                       Thursday - Ian

                                       Friday - Greg

                                       Saturday - Ian

                                       Sunday - Greg

                                The Gregorian Calendar     

Anger

Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

      ~  Budda  ~

Budweiser

I used to work for Budweiser, but then I got canned. 

Peace of Mind

Nothing is more conductive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.

     ~  Georg Christoph Lichtenberg  ~