Law of Physical Appearance

Law of Physical Appearance:

     If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

It's Easy

“It’s easy to fool someone, it’s hard to convince them that they’ve been fooled”

Cheap

It's not that I'm cheap. I just hate to give money away after I've memorized the serial numbers.

Existence

Despite all our accomplishments, we owe our existence to a 6 inch layer of topsoil and the fact it rains.

Television

They've improved practically everything on television, except the programming.

Some People

Some people call me crazy. 

I prefer happy with a twist.

Psychology

You know too much psychology when you can’t get mad because you understand everyone’s reasons for doing everything.

On the other Hand

On the other hand, you have different fingers. 

    ~  Steven Wright  ~

Yourself

Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. 

The Law of Television Entertainment

 

The Law of Television Entertainment:

As soon as you find a television program that you really like, it will be cancelled.

Simple Philosophy

 

I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty.  Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.
 

      ~  Alice Roosevelt Longworth  ~

 

Squats

I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.

Cactus

Why is it so hard to come up with a cactus joke?

Because it is such a thorny problem.

Be Yourself

You can only "be yourself" in public if "yourself" is socially acceptable.

People are Free

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. 

       
~~  Eric offer ~~

Law of the Result

Law of the Result

- When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

Direction

My wife got really mad about the fact that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and right.
 

Doing Nothing

“Don’t underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”

    ~  Winnie the Pooh  ~

Hair

Hair: the only real cure for baldness.
 

Less Things Change

The less things change, the more they remain the same.

      ~  Sicilian proverb  ~

Alligators

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

Law of Public Speaking

  Law of Public Speaking

-- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

Playlist

 

I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my trail mix. 

The World

The world is a skyscraper! Don't always stay on the same floor! Go upstairs, go downstairs; visit the lives of other tenants! Visit eagles; visit mushrooms!

    ~   Mehmet Murat ildan  ~             

Law of the Bath

Law of the Bath 

When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

A Great Man

A great man is hard on himself, a small man is hard on others.

        ~  Confucius  ~

Luck

My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb. 

Young

 

You're never too old to be young!

      ~  The 7 Dwarfs  ~

Someone Unexpected

Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. 
 
We call those people cops.

Complaining

What's the use of complaining about something you have no intentions of changing it? 

    ~   Mario L Castellanos  ~  

Kitchen Law

Anything you drop in the kitchen will end up out of sight on the floor under the cabinet overhang.

Virtues and Vices

He has all the virtues I dislike, and none of the vices I admire.

    ~  Winston Churchill ~           

Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena

. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangling legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

People

People have one thing in common: they are all different.

    ~  Robert Zend  ~

Books

Books can take you to anyplace in the world, and they have more leg room than most airplanes.

Variation Law

 

Variation Law

If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

Stomach

My stomach is flat. The L is just silent.

Laughing at a Joke

The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.

    ~  Scott Adams  ~

Calendar

Calendar

 

  Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.