If you don't pay your exorcist .....

Do you get repossessed?

You'll never hear a Southerner say:

Who's Richard Petty?

Doing Nothing

Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.

Early Bird

If the early bird gets the worm, why do good things come to those who wait?

Happy New Year 2013

Ten Indications of a New Year Hangover

1. You get it into your head that chirping birds are the Devil's pets.
2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "Stay still."
3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as drinking a glass of fresh paint.
4. The bathroom reminds you of the fairground cry, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
5. You'd rather chew tacks than be exposed to sunlight.
6. You set aside an entire afternoon to spend some quality time with your toilet.
7. You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
8. Your catch phrase is, "Never again."
9. You could purchase a new fridge on the proceeds from recycling the bottles around your bed.
10. Your new response to "Good morning," is "Be quiet!"

Monorails

Puns about monorails always make for decent one-liners.

Travel

If the road you travel has no obstacles, it leads nowhere.