Turtles

Turtles think frogs are homeless. 

Boat

Boat: 

A hole in the water surrounded by wood/plastic/steel/aluminum into which you pour all your money.

Difference

What's the difference between a well-dressed bicyclist and a poorly dressed unicyclist?

Attire. 

Two Tragedies in Life

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. 

    ~   Oscar Wilde   ~

Queue

"Queue" is just "Q" followed by 4 silent letters.

Dreams

If you want your dreams to be as fascinating to other people as they are to you, don't mention it's a dream until the end of the story.            

Being Married

Being Married ....

90% of being married is just shouting 'WHAT' from other rooms.